David McCullough, Jr. famously said, "You're not special," in his 2012 commencement speech. It's certainly not the usual thing we hear at graduations...or really any time.
Instead, we hear how unique we are, how everyone is special and magical in their own miracle way. People tell us that we're amazing and glorious and how there will never be someone just like us.
If I'm being honest, I love it when people praise me and give me gold stars. I'm 100% here for it. But, it's not really doing me any favors...unless having a big head is a favor. Actually, I have a relatively small head. Okay, I for sure digress.
Saying "You're not special" feels like sacrilege in Western society. We get ribbons just for trying and our social media feeds are a constant competition to out-special each other. Look at me! I'm prettier and travel to better places and eat more attractive foods than you!
But the truth is you're not special.
Improv Says You're Not Special
One of the principles of improv is that there are no stars, no divas, no centers of attention. When everyone is sharing the airtime, taking turns, and trying to make each other look good, the whole team looks good.
In other words, you're not special.
If I hop up on stage thinking I'm the end all be all, I'm not going to be attuned to my fellow players. I won't be listening like I need to be, and I'll probably miss a whole lot of cool stuff my teammates are coming up with.
Instead of gassing myself up before a performance, I need to focus on how special my teammates are. It's not about me; it's just not. Instead, it's about how badass my teammates are. I need to make them look good.
How to Despecial Yourself
So how can you stop thinking about yourself as special?
- Start paying more attention to other people. The more you focus on other people, the less brain space you have to think about yourself. Pretend you're a detective or a reporter and make the goal of conversations finding out more about others and not bragging about yourself.
- Go with the flow. Instead of storming through crowds or cutting the line, pay attention to the average flow of everyone else and then try to match it. Are you more important than the person you just shoulder checked or the woman you cut in front of? No! You're not any more or less special than anyone else. Sorry, not sorry.
- Be of service. Help people out instead of helping yourself out. It feels good. Plus, it will make the world a less shitty place.
- Stop talking about yourself all the time! I'm super guilty of this one. I can twist any conversation to be about me. Talking about the weather. I'll start talking about the new grass I just planted. Talking about your divorce? I'll make it about my ex-boyfriend from ten years ago. Mention Seattle? I'll tell you about how I flew to Portland.
But enough is enough If you're committed to despecialing yourself, you need to fight the urge to talk so much about yourself and make everything about you and start getting curious and helpful to those around you.
No one owes you anything. Because you're just one of billions. And you're not any more special than any of those other billions.
Depressing?
I don't think so.
I think it's liberating to stop trying so hard to be special and to start caring more about other people. It feels good to help other people unlock their best selves instead of just ruminating on how special you are all day.
So I'm glad I burst your bubble. I'm not actually sorry at all.
I'm excited to see how much more connected and joyous you become when you drop the special routine and start making other people look good.
Subscribe Right Now
Seriously. Subscribe right now to receive a free everyday game each month. These games will help you calm down, stop spiraling, cheer up, and embrace uncertainty, and all you have to do to get 'em is subscribe...right now.